What Are Attachment Styles?
The attachment theory that John Bowlby and other professionals developed in the 1940s is the foundation of attachment styles. Its basic premise is that our early attachment experiences with parents or other caregivers have an impact on how we operate as adults, including how we interact romantically and sexually.
The Four Attachment Styles
The majority of people have a dominant attachment style, however, some people have a combination of attachment styles:
Secure attachment style. This attachment style makes people believe they are deserving of the affection and support of others. Their spouses are likely to share their happiness and satisfaction in their relationships.
Avoidant (dismissing) attachment style: With this approach, you could come out as assured and independent. But there is a negative aspect to it. You could be scared of getting too close to the people you care about and struggle with commitment. Partners of people with this type frequently lament their inability to develop close relationships. They might feel the other person as being separated from them by a barrier.
Anxious (preoccupied) attachment style: This type of individual has a strong desire for safety and a fear of abandonment that can cause anxiety in a relationship. A common characteristic of an anxious attachment style is low self-esteem. They may get quite jealous out of fear of breaking up with their lover since they constantly seek assurances that they are loved.
Disorganized (fearful-avoidant) attachment style: This is the most unpredictable and unstable strategy. This type of person wants to be loved but is hesitant to open up to others. They stay away from someone too closely as a result. They believe that if they do begin a relationship, suffering and rejection are inescapable.
Attachment Style and Desire Levels
A 2021 study on heterosexual couples found a link between sex urge and attachment style. Generally speaking, an anxious attachment type was associated with greater sex desire, whereas an avoidant attachment style was associated with diminished libido.
Attachment Avoidance and Desire
The avoidant attachment style of a guy has an impact on both his own and his partner's sexual functioning. For instance, research suggests that avoidant women perform better in relationships if there is a desire mismatch. According to experts, people with an avoidant attachment style are motivated by conflict.
Attachment Anxiety and Desire
According to a 2001 study, a man's anxious attachment style has an impact on a woman's sexual satisfaction. Surprisingly, the researchers found that if their anxious partner exhibited higher levels of desire, women were more content in bed.
The worried man may have been able to communicate his affection and yearning for intimacy by taking the initiative, which made romantic relationships more fulfilling.
Conversely, highly attached women reported greater levels of satisfaction when both partners had high libido, which is likely an indication of continued devotion and affection.
How To Be Better in Bed Considering Your Attachment Style
Understanding your own and your partner's attachment and libido patterns can have a profound impact on your relationship. Both your communication and mutual understanding will improve.
Here are some pointers on how to improve your romantic relationship based on your attachment style.
If you're fortunate enough to approach relationships in this way, you can intuitively understand your partner's feelings, expressions, and body language. This makes you more sensitive to them in bed. Make use of these techniques to establish a fulfilling intimate connection, but don't assume whole responsibility. Your partner needs to try as well.
People with this type are acutely aware of relationship red flags and their partner's withdrawal. You should communicate your security needs to your spouse if you want your intimate relationship to work successfully.
Try to identify the things that make you anxious so you can deal with them right away. Don't jump to conclusions, for instance, when you begin sex and your partner makes an odd facial expression. Ask and clarify instead.
Sexual issues like erectile dysfunction may cause additional insecurity for this attachment style. It's crucial to get treatment as soon as you can and to include your spouse in the procedure.
You can't approach your partner too closely while you wear this style. To support your desire to isolate yourself, you can concentrate on the minor imperfections in the other person. You must be sincere with yourself.
Recognize your self-sabotage when it occurs if you want a committed relationship. Sometimes seeing a therapist can be beneficial. You should try to be aware of your partner's positive behaviors when you are in bed.
This kind of person typically sees the world in black and white. They frequently have intense emotions and responses, and they frequently anticipate the worst.
You might need to engage with a therapist to address emotional problems because this style is frequently the result of abuse or trauma experienced as a youngster. A wonderful first step to better understanding and improving your sex life is being open with your partner. Tell them that for you to feel secure, you need the assurance of their love and support.
Nextlevel Telemed is here to help.
Nextlevel Telemed can be of assistance if you're having problems with your sexuality, such as erectile dysfunction or early ejaculation, or if you're seeking advice on how to behave better in bed. For more information on sexual health, visit our ED medicine guide or subscribe to the Nextlevel Telemed blog.