Dealing with Performance Anxiety in the Bedroom


March-30, 2023

Sex is supposed to be fun, but if you're constantly worried about how you're doing, it's hard to have fun. Learn why you could be experiencing sexual performance anxiety and receive some advice on how to relax if you want to bring the glitter back into your romantic relationships.


These are some potential causes of performance anxiety during sex with tips on how to treat it if you are experiencing it.


1. A poor self-image

It can be challenging to enjoy yourself during sex if you don't feel great about your body.


Even when you feel wonderful about your appearance, it can be difficult to be exposed and vulnerable in front of someone.


Furthermore, if you're worried about how you appear, you're probably not paying attention to the pleasures of sex.


We want to focus on the experience of, "What are the feelings in my body?" but it pulls us away.


How to overcome it:

A challenging yet empowering strategy to reestablish a connection with your body is to work towards body acceptance. In actuality, this can resemble:


Reexamining your relationship to movement and food:

We have learned to detest food and excessively appreciate exercise as a result of societal prejudice and weight stigma. Being kinder to yourself and appreciate all that your body accomplishes for you every day can be achieved by neutralizing or embracing your connection with food and exercise.


Including jovial movement

The word "movement" is frequently associated with physical activity, but enjoyable motions like dancing, walking, or even cleaning can boost your body's confidence.


Visit a boudoir photographer:

Seeing images of your body that make you feel wonderful can inspire you to project that body image in the bedroom.


2. A sense of estrangement from your partner

Due to your lack of familiarity with your sexual partner, you could occasionally feel detached from them. Yet even if you've been dating someone for a while, you could feel distant from them if you've just fought or were apart.


Your thoughts could wander during sex as a result of this detachment, which could allow anxiety to establish a foothold. Also, your brain is more likely to go into "performance mode" and cause performance anxiety if you feel distanced from your partner(s).


How to overcome it: 

The best course of action is to discuss your concerns with your partner.


She also suggests concentrating on foreplay.

Not only in bed but also in the minutes, hours, or even days before intercourse. It can include holding hands or kissing all day long or cuddling on the couch.

Without jumping right into sex, foreplay allows you to rekindle your relationship with your spouse and fosters intimacy.


3. Negative beliefs or shame about sex

A typical source of performance anxiety is having unfavorable sex-related views. For instance, if you were raised believing that having sex is wrong or immoral, you might feel guilty about having sexual relations.

You could worry about how your partner(s) will view you or feel about your sexual encounters as a result of this embarrassment.


How to overcome it: 

One important step in overcoming sexual shame is to get treatment from a mental health practitioner who promotes sex.


A therapist can help you comprehend the messages that have caused you to feel embarrassed about your sexuality. After that, you can begin to replace those stories with more sex-positive ones.


Negative sexual ideas can be reframed with the aid of sex-positive literature. You may typically locate publications that can be useful if your unfavorable thoughts have a religious basis.


4. Concentrating exclusively on your lover during sex

We tend to believe that during sex, being aware of our partner's needs is a positive thing. Yet, if your attention is diverted from your enjoyment to that of your partner or partners, it can lead to performance anxiety.


For example, if you are extremely tuned into your partner(s), you might catch them sighing or looking away from you - possibly meaningless indicators that could make you worry they are not having fun.


How to overcome it: 

Learning to concentrate on oneself is the key to treating this type of performance anxiety. That could entail practicing having sex with your partner where you're the center of attention or engaging in exercises like masturbating to rediscover what feels wonderful in your body.


For instance, you might not be permitted to give pleasure to your partner(s) during sex; instead, they are only permitted to give you pleasure.


Examining the origin of those beliefs can also be beneficial if prior sex education has led to your desire to place your attention on a partner.


5. Physical challenges

Performance anxiety can arise if something in your life has changed and you are no longer able to operate sexually the way you once did.


For instance, if you can no longer reliably get an erection, as happens to many guys as they age, you could start to feel anxious because you don't know whether or not you'll be capable of doing as much as you'd like to the next occasion you have sex.

Also, if you experience


- Being unable to orgasm due to taking drugs like antidepressants.

- Harm to or illness that affects your sex organs.

- Additional physical health issues that may affect erectile and orgasmic function include diabetes or heart disease.


How to overcome it: 

You might be able to control your symptoms by working with a doctor or a physician, depending on the reason for the changes. For instance, antidepressants frequently impair your capacity to experience orgasm or libido. To help you with these symptoms, your psychiatrist might be able to lower your dosage or switch your medications.


You can still control your performance anxiety even if the physical alterations don't go away by altering how you approach sexual encounters. changing your perspective from one that is performance-based, which depends on a particular objective being reached, to one that is pleasure-based, where the satisfaction of both you and your partner is what is important.



Poor body image, feeling distant from your partner(s), or changes in your sexual functioning can all contribute to performance anxiety during sex. The best course of action for performance anxiety depends on what is triggering it, but counseling combined with mindfulness training is frequently helpful.


Do not forget that your sex life is not over even if you are never able to completely overcome your sex fear.

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